Showing posts with label maxwell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label maxwell. Show all posts

Beyond Halftime: Practical Wisdom for Your Second Half Review

Beyond Halftime: Practical Wisdom for Your Second Half
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I recently re-read two of Bob Buford's books: this one as well as Halftime: Changing Your Game Plan from Success to Significance. (I correctly assumed that it would be best to read them in that sequence.) Inevitably, there are some repetitions throughout the three volumes because most of Buford's core concepts are articles of faith and he takes full advantage of every appropriate opportunity to reaffirm them. However, over the years he has revised and updated the material in new editions as his own life experiences have indicated the need to do so. In this volume, he offers practical advice in the form of "musings" about how to navigate one's way through life while acknowledging that life tends to be "messy, disorderly, one surprise after another."
One of the key issues in Buford's books is having a "purpose in life," one that (as Rick Warren has so eloquently explained) "drives" what we think, feel, and do. Buford changed purposes in what he refers to as "the second half of [his] life" (i.e. life after age 50), by which time he had learned "to embrace discomfort and to celebrate disorderliness. I have [also] learned to trust the unknown that comes with abandoning the drive to succeed." This precisely what Reinhold Niebuhr once had in mind when suggesting this prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference." In Chapter 21, Buford explains what happened when he gave a presentation to a young secular audience of business leaders and their spouses. During the Q&A session that followed, one person in the audience said, "I'm a believer in the philosophy of Ayn Rand. Her philosophy is based on selfishness, that the best way to live is to look out for yourself. What do you think about that?"
This response indicated to Buford and the values and purpose in life that he had affirmed during his presentation were not well-received. "In fact, it is probably the way that most people act in their first-half lives, a predominant `success' worldview. If that's the case, then my speaking of self-transcendence and significance followed by surrender to a higher ideal must have seemed threatening to them, and maybe to you [his reader]." Buford's point is that unless and until people are "ready" for self-transcendence, ready to initiate the process to achieve it by changing their purpose in life, they will continue (as Buford did in his own first-half life) to pursue material success. "Would the members of the audience change as they grew into a different season of life? "I wasn't sure as I mused about it."
In this context, I am reminded of a situation almost two centuries ago following a program presented by Ralph Waldo Emerson in Concord, Massachusetts, during which he had explained the benefits of transcendental meditation. Emerson agreed to answer questions and an elderly farmer raised his hand. "All that's mighty interesting, Mr. Emerson, but how do you transcend an empty stomach?" Especially now when the economy is creating so many problems for everyone and especially for second-half people, self-transcendence may not be so important as Buford suggests. That's not to suggest that it shouldn't be; rather, that it may not be.
I enjoyed sharing Buford's thoughts, feelings, and experiences in the two books. He offers hundreds of thought-provoking observations and issues to consider. In fact, there is a "Reflection" section at the conclusion of each chapter. Many second-half people now ask a question posed in a song made famous by Peggy Lee many years ago: "Is that all there is?" And no doubt many of them are saddened by the answer to it. It seems to me that one of the reasons that Buford wrote these two books is to help second-half readers to have both a sufficient and secure standard of living as well as a meaningful and sustainable quality of life, however "disordered" and "surprising" it may sometimes seem. He agrees with Tennyson's Ulysses:
"Tho' much is taken, much abides; and though
We are not now that strength which in old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield."

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Wisdom and Support for Your Halftime JourneySince the publication fifteen years ago of Bob Buford's award-winning and newly updated and expanded bestseller, Halftime, more than half a million men and women have made the halftime journey from success to significance. If you are contemplating that journey yourself or have already started, Beyond Halftime is for you.'This book is the result of fifteen years of answering questions about halftime,' writes Buford. 'I've focused on the areas that seem to come up most from those who contact me, and I've answered them in much the same way I would answer you if we sat down together over coffee. So in a very real sense, this book allows me to be your companion as you negotiate the ups and downs of the whole halftime experience.'Beyond Halftime invites you to slow down and take time to listen---really listen---to the voice of your heart and the rhythms of your life. The discoveries you're about to make during this vital phase of your life can't be rushed.Enjoy this wise guidance on the things that matter most in moving from gaining success to leaving a legacy. Your most rewarding years lie ahead of you. Welcome to the journey.

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Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time Review

Winning with People: Discover the People Principles that Work for You Every Time
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Winning With People takes the reader on a 360-degree tour of our interactions with other people. The book is built around five questions designed to stimulate self-reflection. This helps us see ourselves as others see us and to see them as valuable even when we do not agree or understand them. I suspect almost anyone can find something, perhaps many things, in this book to help them grow in interpersonal skills. Maxwell insists that we be authentic and even sacrificial in our relationships to get along with others. He is absolutely right to instruct us that meeting someone half-way simply is not good enough. If we value the other person (and why shouldn't we?) half-way is just a half hearted approach and the other person will eventually perceive our lack of care towards them.
Maxwell helped me see most of our relational problems are in ourselves. I must take ownership of my shortcomings and strive to correct them. Along with my own housecleaning I must learn to build healthy relationships with others accepting that they too have housecleaning needs they may or may not ever address. Failure in either area on my part (housecleaning or skills building) can quickly destroy relationships I am currently blessed with. The first priority is learning how not to destroy relationships (get the beam out of my own eye), then learn to build good ones.
Maxwell's straightforward style reaches out to everyone using interpersonal examples from sports, pastoring, business, gangsters, marriage, Abraham Lincoln and other great leaders. Also, if you like to collect great quotes as I do, you will find dozens of good ones here (several from honest Abe).
I enjoyed reading the book but I have a few bones to pick that might bother some readers more or less so than they did me. At times I find Maxwell's approach superficial, too much cheerleading and not enough deep reflection. For example, some of the techniques for building up self esteem in others when you know practically nothing about them (p 92-95) strike me as insincere manipulation - calling it sincere doesn't make it so. I also detect some deep underpinnings of consumerism (more is always better) in how Maxwell gauges success. He often refers to who has the largest church attendance or how much the sales grew or other materialistic metrics to indicate success. For example a church with 15,000 members is referred to as being in the top 1% of churches in the country (p212) but no other success criteria are mentioned. In the top 1% by whose standards? Not mine, I don't think the Bible encourages that definition of success. I trust Maxwell is using this as just one convenient guidepost for success, but frankly his writing makes me wonder. I think it is a rather poor way to introduce the success of a church or pastor. These kind of quantitative - grow-baby-grow type examples are common throughout the book. Personally, I think hyper materialism/capitalism is fueling many of our relationship problems. I'm not comfortable having it sprinkled throughout a book on improving relationships.
Finally, there are a few areas where trying to actually adopt what is recommended would drain you in every area of life. P224 recommends: "care more than other think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible, work more than others think is necessary". Maxwell's point is to live up to our highest ideals, but if I take this advice literally I am likely to damage relationships, not improve them because I'll be utterly exhausted in every area of my life - especially spiritually. If I am not to take it literally then it is just cheerleading to inspire me while I read the book. Perhaps I missed the point, but I don't find this helpful past the initial moment of inspiration.
As you can see I have mixed feelings about the book, but I do recommend it for those who want to be led into some useful self-reflection/emotional inventory for improving relationships.


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